


When I stare into the void to the whirlpool of my sin

by TheHoardingPuffin



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (in his own way - he's trying okay?), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Issues, Can be read as Prinxiety (and is definitely meant to be - or leading up to it), Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Friend, Fear of Drowning, Fear of Falling, Fear of loss, Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Nightmares, Post-Episode: ACCEPTING ANXIETY Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?, loads of fears, roman tries to be a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHoardingPuffin/pseuds/TheHoardingPuffin
Summary: Virgil has nightmares. Roman notices and tries to help.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 99





	When I stare into the void to the whirlpool of my sin

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Les Misérables" - Valjean's Soliloquy. A musical title seemed fitting somehow. 
> 
> So, this is my first fanwork in this fandom. I learned of Sanders Sides just the end of last month, and I fell into the fandom in next to no time (two nights, all videos binged, fanfics read and Cosplay plans made, as one does). I am a bit nervous to post this, so keep that in mind - I have zero experience writing about those guys and it can take a while to get comfortable writing them, but I think I got to a point where it doesn't seem horribly OOC... but let me know what you think and tell me what you think I should work on for the next time! Any feedback is well appreciated!  
> Oh, also: When I have nightmares, they are usually a mess of different scenes that make no sense really, and after waking up, I am a bit confused at first, so that is what I based Virgil's nightmares and behavior after waking up on. Because it's always easier to write about things you know that things that are totally foreign to you. 
> 
> Love ya, hope you like it!

**acceptance**

**/əkˈsɛpt(ə)ns/**

**Noun • the process or fact of being received as adequate, valid, or suitable.**

It was freezingly cold and the air smelled wet and sort of like decay. Something was slowly decaying. Maybe it was him… he didn’t know… everything was all fuzzy and strange, he couldn’t focus…

Wind. Ice-cold wind, hitting him in the face like a whip, leaving stinging wounds that froze over and closed within seconds… he had wings, and they were burning, and he was falling now, falling, falling… fire bit its way into his shoulder blades, where wings and body were connected… burning searing pain that spread through his whole back, turned his spine into ash and liquefied his muscles…

He was under water now, and it was cold again, no trace of fire or wings or…

Snakes. There were snakes, wrapped around his limbs and torso, restraining him, twisting tighter and tighter…

A white jacket, soaking up red thick liquid; a pair of black-rimmed glasses shattered on a cold black-and-white marble floor; four pairs of warm brown eyes turning glassy and unfocussed…

Blood. Blood spilled on trembling lips, blood on jackets and cardigans and polos and star-printed shirts… dark clouds drawing in, closing around him… bright green and orange fog, a forked tongue, hissing noises… dark… cold… fire… drowning… falling… cold… dark…

Virgil woke up with a sore throat and a stinging metallic taste on his tongue, sitting up in his bed, the sheets all tangled between his legs, his hair sticking to his face. His head was pounding… was the room spinning? It felt like it was spinning…

“Virgil?”

The door… Someone was at the door…

“May I come in?”

Was that Patton? Virgil wasn’t sure… why would anyone want to come into his room, anyways? Who…

“If you won’t say anything, I will come in now!”

Say something? But what…

Light fell into his room, and then, there were warm hands on his shoulders, someone was there…

“Virgil? Are you alright?”

Not Patton, Virgil realized. Roman.

Huh.

That was weird…

“You were screaming…”

That explained the soreness of his throat.

“… what was it? Did something scare you? Were it… the… others?”

“I… it’s nothing.” Virgil tried to free himself from Roman’s grip. “Just… bad dreams.”

A pause.

“I see.”

Roman ran a hand through his hair. It was all messy and mussed from sleep – definitely not a look Princey would usually allow anybody to see.

“Do you… want to talk about it?” Roman seemed a bit at loss of what to do. What to say. Great, that made two of them. “Should I go get Patton? Or…”

Virgil shook his head. “No sense in that. I’ve managed just fine so far, haven’t I?”

“So this wasn’t the first one?”

Virgil huffed. “Of course not. I am the embodiment of anxious, negative, unhappy thoughts and feelings, or did you forget that, Prince of Bed-Hair?”

Roman rolled his eyes. “You’ve given better nicknames before. A simple _No_ would’ve done the job.”

Virgil shrugged.

“Look… I know we don’t… didn’t… get on well.” Roman seemed, strangely enough, to search for words. “But… I don’t… I want to make an effort to make that situation better, okay? I’m trying to be helpful, to be your friend here!”

Oh. That was nice… probably.

“Yeah… okay. Thank you, Roman, but… I think I’ll have to work through this on… in my own way. The way I’m used to.”

Roman looked actually hurt – and worried? “If you think that’s the way to go…”

“Well…” Virgil played around with the seam of his sleepshirt. “I just don’t see any point in talking about it.”

“You probably know best what you need.” Roman sighed. “But from my experience, talking about nightmares can help. You might feel better after getting it off your chest.”

That made sense. Dammit, Roman. Why did he have to make sense all of a sudden? That wasn’t his job at all! But Virgil had sworn to make an effort himself to open up more, to let the other sides see behind the façade. Might as well start now.

“I dream of… losing you. All of you.”

Another pause.

“Amongst other things.”

Roman nodded, then reached out – and pulled back again. “Sorry… may I touch you?”

Virgil nodded slowly, and Roman reached out again, squeezed his shoulder gently, then ran his hand slowly up and down Virgil’s back. Virgil shuddered, and allowed himself to enjoy the tough. It was nice… new, but nice.

“I… thank you, Virgil.” Roman pursed his lips. “For telling.”

“You’re… welcome… I guess.” Virgil shrugged again. “Thank you for… letting me tell.”

“Of course.” This time, Roman offered a small, soft smile. “You know, we all meant what we said earlier. You are important. You make us _better_. And if you need any of us… you can ask for it.”

Virgil scratched the back of his head. “I know. It’s just… it’s a lot to get used to.”

He half expected Roman to laugh for some reason, but the creative side just nodded understandingly. “Of course. Take your time.”

And so he would…


End file.
